Post Race Party

PRETZEL CITYS SPORT'S SALUTE TO SHRINKAGE AND SHRIEKING, THE 4th ANNUAL “CHILLY CHEEKS” 7.2 MILE TRAIL RUN.  "The only thing colder than this race is the race director's heart!" - Ivan Fallinalot-2007

Reading, PA will never be confused with Canada, our fine Northern neighbor. For example, down here, we do not have national health care; in fact, most Berks Co health care consists of Mom kissing whatever boo-boo we get in this week's bar fight. And our national crime fighters (FBI, CIA, Justice League of America, etc) do not have those cool matching outfits like the Mounties so there's little chance of any of them getting lucky with "Nell" after they untie her from the tracks, RIGHT before the train comes. Heck, although we're the home of the immortal Reading Railroad from Monopoly, we hardly have any trains left to come!! And lastly, 40% of our land is not covered with ice, snow & caribou dung. Yet, Berks Co can STILL match Canada for having things that are so cold that Ralphie, of the Christmas Story wouldn’t dare put his tongue on it, lest he get stuck.

Three awfully cold things here in Berks Co immediately leap to mind; Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin (for the culturally uninformed, both of "Jon & Kate Plus 8"; 2 locals that cranked out 6 RugRats at once and became national checkout line celebrities) and the even colder Chilly Cheeks Trail Run. All are dysfunctional local entities that cause people to cringe at the mere mention of their name. And all treat people with the same disdain as the Oscars have for Adam Sandler movies. Each is infamous in its own way & folks that have interacted with any of them can attest to each's frigid nature & self absorbed attitude.

Now that the Gosselins are divorcing, they are, admittedly, a slight bit "colder" than the Chilly Cheeks; at least to each other. But the Cheeks will leave you more bruised, exhausted & frustrated than Jon & Kate EVER would, that is, unless you marry either when they become single. The CC is a short, quite challenging rustic trail run that tours the mountain overlooking town. It has rocks & roots, dirt & debris, maybe snow & ice and may be naughty & nice. It also has unique aide stations, funny signs and volunteers that will watch the water that they put out freeze, from their heated car, before you get there. There's lots of single track, much like the single track mind that Jon has now that he is "single with money", and like Kate used to be after breastfeeding time, it will leave you totally drained! The run is do-able for the novice that doesn't go out faster than a habanera thru a colon. But it's also a favorite of the hard core that think that any trail race that doesn’t leave you contemplating suicide at mid-point isn’t worth its entry fee. And, unlike the Jon & Kate saga, there will be happy times at the end as you recover at the Reading Liederkrantz German Singing & Sports Club where you can purchase cold German beer, eat a free hot breakfast, listen to an obscure band & explain to each other how we all got up Mt WhaddaFug.

THAT'S why Pretzel City's events will be around long after "Jon & Kate Plus 8" has been replaced by Richard Simmons infomercials!!! LEGAL BOLOGNA: You race at your own risk; you alone are responsible for your welfare at all times!! There's no sense in us getting hurt while looking for you when you're hurt; it's been scientifically proven that misery does NOT love company. So crawl to someplace when you can be retrieved by heated vehicle. As for getting lost, you have a better chance at seeing unicorns in garters on the course; it's that well marked. Since it is quite a challenge, we only let those enter that are 18 or over (16 & 17 yr olds can too but ONLY if they have a parent at the race). We also turn away people that think that Delaware is mountainous and anyone who has ever gone back on Maury Povich's show more than 4 times to try to prove, thru DNA testing, that some other worthless slug is their baby's Daddy.  

REGISTRATION/ENTRY:

• Reg. opens at 9:45 a.m., we race at 11 (approx.).  Reading Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA (same place as most Pretzel City events).
• Fee is $30 w/ long sleeve shirt if postmarked by Thurs, Jan 7, 2010. Afterwards, $35 while shirts last (inc. day of race), $27 when gone.
• WARNING: FEW extra shirts are printed than those ordered by prereg entries; if you fail to pre-enter, you’ll will regret that you have no other souvenir from this race than reoccurring nightmares and that new cast on your arm. Even if you register in the post-reg period but before raceday, you’re almost surely guaranteed a shirt of your preferred size. (on-line registration on www.pretzelcitysports.com will close at Midnight of the Wed before the race) We race in rain, snow or bitter cold.
  

Check www.pretzelcitysports.com scroll bar for postponement info if roads are pretty much impassable that day (not just a little “sub-par”). If postponed, it will be held the NEXT SUNDAY same time, same place. No refunds, no mailed shirts or awards; no smokers, no tokkers (at least, not while you're here) no whiners, no pets (Liederkranz rule) & no people that think they know how to hold this race better than we do since they are obviously delusional!!. Bring Cash, no ATM nearby. Also, bring extra shoes for inside & the drive home! Registration on www.pretzelcitysports.com not required but always encouraged!(small service fee applies, closes at midnight on Wed the week of the race) 

Amenities:  Long sleeve T-shirt with a memorable design, hot breakfast, indoor registration & toilets, free food at the finish line, suds/chilled Jaegermeister/strange Germanic meats available for purchase thru the club, WELL marked course, 2 water stops, live music at the post-event party, finish place posted immediately & results on www.pretzelcitysports.com in 1-2 days, unique aide stations & other surprises not yet finalized. Breakfast tickets can be bought at reg for your peeps! 

Awards:  M & F 1st & 2nd and Top M & F Masters (40 & over) plus:18-29: 6M, 4F 30-39: 6M, 4F 40-49: 6M, 4F 50-59: 6M, 3F 60-69: 4M, 3F 70+ (men only): 1M 

Directions:

• PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, at the new TARGET/LOWES/GIANT on your right, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at Wachovia Bank. 300 yds later, JUST PAST Arners Restaurant, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, look for "Stokesay Castle" sign visible at last moment). At end of Glen, turn right and then take your next right just 50 yards ahead. Or follow the signs to Stokesay, the Liederkrantz driveway is right next to it.
• YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow it to Rt. 422 East bypass around Reading . Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the **.
• ALLENTOWN: Take Rt. 222 S, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks **.LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus.422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after the **.
• COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed in “Allentown”
• BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions.
• MAPQUEST INPUT: 143 Spook Lane, Reading, PA 19606 or “Spook Lane & Hill Rd” or “Hill Rd & Glen Rd”.Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.) Check Payable to & mailed (with waiver) to: Pretzel City Sports, 112 W. 36th St., Reading, PA 19606. Head Mudder: Ron Horn, rhornpcs@aol.com, www.pretzelcitysports.com or 610-779-2668 (but not during Survivor, CSI-Vegas, Entourage, True Blood, The Amazing Race, Project RunWay or any Phila Eagle game (inc. post-game commentary)